Discover more from Hadley’s Substack
This is the most unremarkable miraculous thing I want you to know.
The closest to a define-the-relationships chat that we're going to get, for now.
One part of my story is the transformation of someone who always felt like they had something to say but didn’t have a voice. It wasn’t until the pain from perpetually abandoning myself was too much that I started to seek out and believe there must be a better way. And now what you see is me stumbling, creating, and flowing forward as I experience this better way. Which I must say is much better and much more cringe.
There’s a small but mighty number of about 75 of you who regularly read my stuff (jk that feels like a lot). I am finding that as I take up more space I do annoy people or piss them off. And then it all clicks why I didn’t use my voice for so long because in the past getting a negative comment would’ve sent me into hiding for months in the “before” times. And now I use negative comments as writing prompts for new content! How Taylor Swift of me.
I do think my transformation that you see me showing up here regularly and sharing is miraculously unremarkable.
Unremarkable because it’s just putting words on a screen, not even having to commit to a sheet of paper in my journal. Unremarkable in that I’m not a poet laureate or winning any prizes or even have the intention to grow this substack into anything big. This is just a free blog.
But the fact that I have so many unpublished “blog posts” sitting in my Google Drive folder from 2016 onward, makes this miraculous that I share so uninhibitedly. Even when people send me emails wishing I’d post less, I don’t change my rhythm just to keep subscribers.
And that transformation is a very miraculous one. Because it feels so good to no longer wish I was someone else, or try to change myself to be more pleasant, and now claim so much digital space as me.
Even me a year ago would be jealous of who I am today. How can she write so much? Doesn’t she just go blank when she sits down to write? Does she even know who her target audience is?!??
All of that doesn’t phase me anymore. It’s like life feels more like a playground. Where I can freely play and fall and scrap my elbow and get back up and jump off the swing. This level of freedom I believe is rooted in this deep knowing that I am no longer living life in a way that I regret.
I would regret not ever posting my words. I won’t regret posting so much that words and subpar analogies keep flowing out of me like water.
I would regret working a 9-5 job the rest of my life that bored me to tears. I won’t regret living so in alignment with my truest priorities even though it comes with more chosen uncertainty.
So what happened? How after all these years did I muster up enough guts to start using my voice? A lot of coaching and immersing myself in the spaces of self-expressed women.
So if you wonder why I am posting so often, partly it’s because my coach challenges us to do this thing called the “garbage post challenge” where you focus on quantity over quality. But along the way, it’s become more for me than for the challenge. Because it feels damn good.
And it’s also for you. Because even tho I might not know you, I know a part of you. And it’s probably not the part of you that you show at work or at Thanksgiving with your extended family you barely know. It might not even be the part of you that you share with your friends, on first dates, or even with your partner.
It’s not the part of you that was nurtured by the school system growing up because this isn’t the part of you that could get you good grades and it didn’t make you popular or athletic.
It’s not the part of you that is really good at anticipating everyone else’s needs and self-sacrifcing yourself for others.
Maybe YOU know those parts well, but that’s not the part I know.
The part of you that I know is the part that craves depth, truth, and authenticity. It desires self-expression and limitless potential and creativity. That’s the part of you I fuck with. And I care endlessly about connecting with that part of you and waving my freak flag high in the sky so you come out to party with me. I envision a ripple effect out into the world of people giving themselves even 1% more permission to be real.
So you and me, we’re in this life thing. This isn’t like a passive thing, it’s an invitation to grow, evolve, and express with me. I’m one of those crazy people who will put everything on the line to live immersed in this level of truth. In a serious way and in the goofiest, carefree, dancing through-the-grocery store kind of way. And I’m drumming up some new ways to invite you to join me 1:1 in 2024.